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deird1Dear Publisher,
You're right. I don't have enough experience for you to employ me. Silly of me to pre-empt things and apply for the position before I had experience!
But never fear! This very week, I will embark on an epic quest to gain experience. Here's how I'll do it:
- First, I will climb the magic mountain, defeating orcs and goblins along the way. (This will gain me 5 XP per kill.)
- Then, using mystic mushrooms to replenish my HP, I'll leap from ledge to ledge over the Chasm Of Despair, to locate the hidden treasures of the Last Dragon. (Feel free to picture this with a Mario Bros soundtrack if you wish; I certainly shall be, if only because it will give me hope that plummeting to my certain death will be followed by a quick game reload.)
- Having presented the Last Dragon's treasure chest to the Princess, I will be deemed worthy of my final mission. So, using the Glowing Sword of Elboreth, and the Potion of Mystic Night, I will scale the walls of the Black City, steal past the first 50 guards, slay the next 50, fight my way past the Dark Wizard's hordes, then confront the Wizard himself, and finally rescue the Princess's little sister and return her to the Castle safely. (This will gain me a total of 415093 XP.)
- Once I have earned enough XP, I will return to you, dear Publisher, present you with a recounting of my brave exploits, and finally earn myself a place among your ranks. It will be a glorious day!
...or you could take a chance on giving me some experience yourself. Whatever.
You're right. I don't have enough experience for you to employ me. Silly of me to pre-empt things and apply for the position before I had experience!
But never fear! This very week, I will embark on an epic quest to gain experience. Here's how I'll do it:
- First, I will climb the magic mountain, defeating orcs and goblins along the way. (This will gain me 5 XP per kill.)
- Then, using mystic mushrooms to replenish my HP, I'll leap from ledge to ledge over the Chasm Of Despair, to locate the hidden treasures of the Last Dragon. (Feel free to picture this with a Mario Bros soundtrack if you wish; I certainly shall be, if only because it will give me hope that plummeting to my certain death will be followed by a quick game reload.)
- Having presented the Last Dragon's treasure chest to the Princess, I will be deemed worthy of my final mission. So, using the Glowing Sword of Elboreth, and the Potion of Mystic Night, I will scale the walls of the Black City, steal past the first 50 guards, slay the next 50, fight my way past the Dark Wizard's hordes, then confront the Wizard himself, and finally rescue the Princess's little sister and return her to the Castle safely. (This will gain me a total of 415093 XP.)
- Once I have earned enough XP, I will return to you, dear Publisher, present you with a recounting of my brave exploits, and finally earn myself a place among your ranks. It will be a glorious day!
...or you could take a chance on giving me some experience yourself. Whatever.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-03 11:20 pm (UTC)This happened to all my friends who graduated from nursing school. They needed experience to get hired, but they needed to get hired to gain some experience.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-03 11:23 pm (UTC)I can't get a job because I don't have experience. I can't get freelance work because I don't have experience. I can't get volunteer work as an editor, because I don't have experience.
*headdesks forever*