The Mezzanine

I've spent some time in the last couple of years learning how to make bread. And with that has come the knowledge of how to make naan, tortillas, and so on.

Bread always seemed pretty complicated to me. The recipes go on, and on, in huge detail - and I could never quite pin down how it was supposed to work. Now I know – and I'm sharing the secret. Here it is.

Bread making goes like this:

1) Mix ingredients together.
2) Leave the yeast alone and let it do its thing.
3) Make it into a bread shape.
4) Leave the yeast alone and let it do its thing.
5) Heat it up.

That's really it.

"But there's kneading! And rising! And punching down!" you say? Yep. Otherwise known as "mixing", "letting the yeast do its thing", and "making into a bread shape". The specific hand movements are weird, and something you get better at - but the basic principle is fairly simple.

I found bread much less scary once I figured that out.

I am learning how to make bread and it is AWESOME.


For many years now, I have bought supermarket bread, occasionally been indulgent and bought bakery bread, and every few weeks made a loaf in my bread maker. The bread maker is awesome, mainly because I hate kneading.

However, last year, I got sick of the bread maker taking up space on my kitchen bench, and sick of wistfully glancing at my KitchenAid dough hook, and decided to find out how to make bread in the KitchenAid. A year in, and I can produce a fairly reliable white loaf. (And, once again, awesome, because the Kitchen Aid did the kneading, which I hate.)

Then came my birthday (two weeks ago, for those of you playing at home). For which I was given the book Flour Water Salt Yeast (Google is your friend) and the requisite supplies.

I am now MAKING BREAD BY HAND. Huzzah!

...and I am still not kneading. Because kneading sucks, and because my new book doesn't want me to knead anything. I am very thrilled about this.


My first loaf was made last Saturday, while my husband was available for kid watching. My current loaf is being made during the day, while he's at work, because I am a crazy person and enjoy making my life chaotic.

In a few hours, I will have either newly baked whole-wheat loaves baked to perfection in a dutch oven, or some hilarious photos.

Wish me luck!

Seriously, Northern Hemispherites, you guys are missing out on all the good fast food. And the sad thing is, you don't even realise it.

KFC, for example. Their chips here are the same as the Maccas chips - ie, thin and kinda dry. Real KFC chips should be fat, moist, and yummily salty. They're awesome.

And Subway! How is it that none of the European Subways have grated carrot? Or chicken fillet? Or sweet chilli sauce?


You people are DEPRIVED.

I've been reading through Etiquette Hell recently, and came across this entry in the "Guests from Hell" section:

I have recently moved to California and was invited to a barbecue by some people who I considered to be well-mannered and good friends. The invitation, which arrived by mail stated that one should bring whatever one wished to put on the grill to eat. I was confused and called to ask exactly what that meant. I was advised that they would supply all side dishes, salads, bread, condiments and drinks. I, however, should bring my own hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken or whatever I wished to eat - raw- and I would be allowed to cook it on the grill for my meal. Still confused, I asked, "So I should just bring a piece of raw meat with me?" "If that's what you want to eat," they replied. They then expressed their own surprise that I was confused as that was the way barbecues are "done" in California. My friends in the South find this particularly ridiculous.

Now... I find this confusing. Is there some other way of doing barbecues that I've somehow been missing all these years?

I've been to an average of eight barbecues a year (at least) for my entire life, and at EVERY one, people have brought their own meat. Why would it be bad manners? And what were these people expecting to happen instead?

aerintine asked, which was very sensible, because seriously folks, you HAVE NOT LIVED until you have tasted this caramel slice. It is my very favourite thing.

Recipe For Caramel Slice
( under here )

Went to the Grand Shop Of Tea Snobbery (not its real name) today to buy tea for my sister.


I usually love going there - a whole shop devoted to cool tea supplies! what's not to love? - but in this case, I was on a mission for... stuff I wouldn't usually buy. Stuff that would be better bought at a shop that wasn't so snobby about tea.

Because the simple fact of the matter is, when you go up to the counter carrying the stuff I was carrying, the shop assistants look at you with dubious disbelief and ask in an undertone "...you realise those are teabags, right?"


Woe unto me, for I have purchased teabags. I have fallen from the heights of the true looseleaf drinker, to a lowly purchaser of these plebby little containers. I must truly be ashamed.






Oddly, Firefox wants to correct my spelling of "realise", but is fine with "plebby"...

---

My thoughts exactly.


In other news, I've decided that the recipes I'm going to make this year have to include:
- trifle
- pie floaters
- custard
- self-saucing chocolate pudding
- apple pie

Pie floaters will be fun - if somewhat random. They're meat pies in bowls of mushy pea soup. Actually yummier than it sounds.

I don't do New Year's Resolutions. So the fact that these look suspiciously like NYRs is completely coincidental.


Every day for a year, I will take a photo.
Every week for a year, I will cook one new recipe.

- The locust plague is out in full force, happily suiciding into car windscreens all the way along the freeway. The latest trend in conversations among people who own cars: "How many did you hit? I hit at least three hundred this morning..."

- Spent several days in Mildura meeting the boyfriend's rellies. I have now met 6 aunts and uncles, 7 cousins, 4 significant others of cousins, and 3 kids of cousins. *is exhausted*

- Remembered to take my camera, but forgot to take any photos. I'm thinking of doing Project 365 next year, so I get back into the swing of photoing.

- One of the aforementioned cousins has a cook book (Womens' Weekly) that I really wanted to steal and smuggle home with me. Her mother has a cook book (home made) that I almost did steal and smuggle home with me. It's awesome! She gave me the "custard" page to try out...

- I'm sure I remember (and my family can back me up on this) being very outspoken about foods I simply could not eat because they were gross. Somewhere along the line I seem to have turned into someone who will eat everything that's put on her plate without complaining, will decide to at least seem to enjoy it, and then will actually enjoy it. Even the beetroot! Not quite sure how this transformation happened.

- Am very sunburnt from riding on the back of a ute. Still enjoyed the ute ride.

- Also enjoyed getting to ride on a humungous piece of machinery as it harvested lots of wheat. Hurrah!

- Melbourne has hills. I don't ever remember how many until I go to somewhere flat (like Mildura) and miss all my lovely hills.

- I also missed my cat! He's so wonderful! I came back and patted him, rang Mum, patted him, treated sunburn, patted him...


How was everyone's Christmas?

Just been having a big forum discussion about what "sauce" is.

( sauce, ketchup, and too many tomatoes )


(Also, just to stir the pot: America, I don't know where you get your weird naming conventions from, but "marinara" means it comes from the sea. It should have fish in it. The stuff you're mistakenly calling marinara is "napolitana".)