vicarious parenting
Nov. 8th, 2013 07:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deird1I currently have six nephews, one niece, and a couple of close friends with toddlers.
And it's funny, because every time I babysit a sick nephew, or hang out with a friend and her cranky kid, their mother will offer me profound apologies for inflicting a not-at-their-best child on me. At which point I never quite know what to say. "Oh, no, it's fine, I'm enjoying it" sounds like polite meaninglessness; anything else wouldn't be true.
For the mothers, you see, they experience their kids in every mood, good or bad. And will continue to do so, every day, for a very long time. They spend their days with either a happy, healthy child, or a cranky, sick child. And, quite naturally, they prefer the one that doesn't end in tantrums, tears, and cleaning up vomit.
Me, on the other hand? I am not a mother. I only experience motherhood secondhand. And, also quite naturally, I like my secondhand mothering to encompass all kinds of different aspects of kid-minding. Not just the fun ones.
I love taking care of happy, healthy kids. And also taking care of the same kids in their more grouchy, snot-filled states. It's nice. And makes me feel like I'm really part of their lives.
(This post brought to you by my nephew's small bladder, and an evening of washing wee-filled pants.)
And it's funny, because every time I babysit a sick nephew, or hang out with a friend and her cranky kid, their mother will offer me profound apologies for inflicting a not-at-their-best child on me. At which point I never quite know what to say. "Oh, no, it's fine, I'm enjoying it" sounds like polite meaninglessness; anything else wouldn't be true.
For the mothers, you see, they experience their kids in every mood, good or bad. And will continue to do so, every day, for a very long time. They spend their days with either a happy, healthy child, or a cranky, sick child. And, quite naturally, they prefer the one that doesn't end in tantrums, tears, and cleaning up vomit.
Me, on the other hand? I am not a mother. I only experience motherhood secondhand. And, also quite naturally, I like my secondhand mothering to encompass all kinds of different aspects of kid-minding. Not just the fun ones.
I love taking care of happy, healthy kids. And also taking care of the same kids in their more grouchy, snot-filled states. It's nice. And makes me feel like I'm really part of their lives.
(This post brought to you by my nephew's small bladder, and an evening of washing wee-filled pants.)
no subject
Date: 2013-11-08 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-11-09 11:03 am (UTC)I will, however, pull lots of faces at children on public transport, especially if they're crying. If I can get their attention, they're so busy being weirded out by this adult making faces that they forget what they were upset about :-p
no subject
Date: 2013-11-09 12:00 pm (UTC)Me, I just feel bad when parents apologise for things they have no control over and that probably affect them way more than they affect me anyway.