cultural confusion

[deird1]

I've been reading through Etiquette Hell recently, and came across this entry in the "Guests from Hell" section:

I have recently moved to California and was invited to a barbecue by some people who I considered to be well-mannered and good friends. The invitation, which arrived by mail stated that one should bring whatever one wished to put on the grill to eat. I was confused and called to ask exactly what that meant. I was advised that they would supply all side dishes, salads, bread, condiments and drinks. I, however, should bring my own hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken or whatever I wished to eat - raw- and I would be allowed to cook it on the grill for my meal. Still confused, I asked, "So I should just bring a piece of raw meat with me?" "If that's what you want to eat," they replied. They then expressed their own surprise that I was confused as that was the way barbecues are "done" in California. My friends in the South find this particularly ridiculous.

Now... I find this confusing. Is there some other way of doing barbecues that I've somehow been missing all these years?

I've been to an average of eight barbecues a year (at least) for my entire life, and at EVERY one, people have brought their own meat. Why would it be bad manners? And what were these people expecting to happen instead?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Grew up in Mississippi, but my parents are not "southern", so I haven't exactly been raised southern. I think I've experienced one "BYOM" barbeque... I can't remember where or when, but I seem to recall it being among financially challenged college students.

At every other barbeque I've attended, the host provides the meat and usually everything else, unless a side dish/dessert is requested in the invitation. A non-BYOM barbeque also allows for smoking a whole brisket or pork loin or other similarly large chunk of meat, which may require cooking to start well before guests arrive.

I don't see a problem with either, as long as guests know what to expect. I suppose it depends on the relationship between the host and the invitees, too - for example, I wouldn't expect my employer to throw a BYOM barbeque; I would expect everything to be paid for by the company. (On the other hand, if I worked for a non-profit, it might make sense to have a BYOM company party.)