(keeping my signature, too)

[deird1]

I'm managing to confuse the world with name-change stuff.


(For the purposes of this post, my last name will be Smith, and the fiance's last name will be Jones.)

Most people seem to think that there are two options. Either I can be stuffy and traditional and change my name to "Mrs Jones", or I can be radical and feminist and keep my name as "Ms Smith".

Occasionally, someone allows for a third option, where I am hip and modern and take the name "Mrs Smith-Jones".


I am... doing none of those. Which seems to be confusing everyone.


My plan is to change my last name from Smith to Jones. And to change my title – from Miss to Ms.

The pro-"Ms Smith" people are worried that I'm subsuming my identity into the fiance's. The pro-"Mrs Jones" people are baffled that I don't want to be a Mrs. A smaller selection of both groups are still stuck back on my current title – weirded out by the fact that I'm a thirty-year-old professional and still going by Miss instead of Ms*.

* Except on those forms which don't give me an option, but simply expect me to tick "Mr", "Mrs", or "Ms", even though my title is none of the above.

All in all, I'm apparently confusing.


I've seen a lot of internet discussions about name change recently, and in almost every discussion at least one person will say "Well, I decided not to change my last name, because I don't want to be a Mrs." No-one ever seems to point out that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.


So, why am I doing it the way I am? No grand philosophical reasons; it's just that I thought through all the possible permutations, and "Ms Jones" was the one that sounded most like me.

Comments

[velvetwhip]

I think it's great that you are doing what you want and not giving a fig about what other people think you should do.

And I hate that there are rarely "Miss" options on sites. It irks the heck out of me.


Gabrielle

[shehasathree]

People are weird.

[octavia_b]

You'll find that people will call you Mrs all the time no matter what you say. I didn't change my name and stayed Ms "Smith". Once I got to my mid thirties and had children I became Mrs to everybody regardless that my last name was still the one I was born with. *headdesk*. Occasionally I play head games . . . "Hello, is that Mrs Smith?", "No, there's no-one here by that name." *snerk*

[smurasaki]

That last line there is exactly why that's the version you should go with. Always do what sounds like yourself!

[nimthiriel]

"All in all, I'm apparently confusing."

And then there's me, who's done the exact same thing :-) So I totally get it!

[immer_am_lesen]

You'll find that people rarely address you as 'Mrs [insert name here]', unless they're calling you from a marketing company...

Personally, I don't mind being a 'Mrs'- it makes me feel older and properly married. :-)

I think your taking his last name but changing to 'Ms' is a little confusing, as 'Ms' is usually used to indicate you're using your maiden name, e.g. if you divorce and go back to that name, or are widowed, or are a doctor....but also, as 'Ms Jones', you're...his sister. Erk.

I think that when it happens, you'll be addressed as 'Mrs' most of the time as it's the normal custom, since you're changing your surname...so just don't expect everyone (anyone?) to address you by your preferred term of 'Ms Jones'.
For those of us who are your friends though, it won't matter, you'll still just be 'Mez'. :-)

[dr_carrot]

Small point...all the doctors that I know go by Dr...I personally like it because it means I get to skip all the Miss/Ms stuff all together!

[lliira]

I would like to see "Mrs." and "Miss" permanently banished to the nether regions where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth. That defines a woman purely on whether she's married or not even more than name-changing does. Changing your name because you want to and for no other reason makes sense to me. It's the same reason I did NOT change my name -- I can give plenty of reasons for it, of course, but the simple fact is it would not be me.