fake letters

[deird1]

"Dear Teddy Bear Shop,
I'm thinking about buying one of your teddy bears.
Is their stuffing synthetic, or is it made from organic materials?
Sincerely, Mez"

"Dear Ms Mezzanine,
Thank you for expressing interest in our shop.
Our opening hours can be found on our website.
If you have further questions, please email us.
Looking forward to hearing from you, T.B.S."

---

"Dear Gardening Gals,
I'd like to know more about your merchandise.
Could you please send me a catalogue?
Sincerely, Mez"

"Dear Ms Mezzanine,
We're glad to hear you're an avid gardener!
Join us for our family-friendly Open Day, coming soon!
See you there, G.G."

---

"Dear Burger Emporium,
I'm thinking of holding my 31st birthday party at your fine establishment.
Is the Birthday Fun Room available on April 1st?
Sincerely, Mez"

"Dear Ms Mezzanine,
We offer a wide range of birthday party packages, featuring our deluxe burger range.
Vegetarian and gluten-free options will be made available on request.
Please think of us for your next event, B.E."

---

...I'm thinking of instituting a blanket policy.

If someone won't answer my very clear and simple question when replying to my email asking that question (and only that question), I will not be doing business with them.

*sighs*

Comments

[velvetwhip]

I could not agree more. It drives me up a wall!



Gabrielle

[deird1]

Me too!

[alexseanchai]

Yes.

Irish llama wrestling?

[deird1]

Heh. (Erm. You'll see...)

[trouble]

I get these emails all the time, and haven't figured out a good way of responding to them.

[deird1]

Me neither.

[frayadjacent]

My favorite is the first one -- please email us if you have questions!

[deird1]

:)

They all keep saying that! And it's so totally stupid, because they never answer my questions...

[vass]

I can feel my blood pressure rising just reading these.

I have had similar exchanges with eBay and iTunes, where the very small shell script answering their email (I am unclear on whether the shell script in question was running on a CPU or a human brain) literally could not understand the words I was saying. It was insanely frustrating, and I had no way to escalate it to someone with any reading comprehension whatsoever.

[deird1]

*nods*

It's a total pain.

[nimthiriel]

Ugh, I know! Or when you send a detailed email to Tech Support, telling them exactly what's wrong and what you've already tried, and they reply telling you to "just do" something you've already said you tried unsuccessfully, or suggesting it's a problem which you'd already ruled out and TOLD them you ruled out...

I don't care how busy you are, don't reply to my email unless you've actually bothered to read it!

[megpie71]

I think I can top those: I had a similar sort of email from the university I'm attending.

The long back-story - I used to attend this university back in 1989-90, when I was a little fresh-out-of-highschool type, and back then I did about a half a degree before dropping out. Twenty years later (in 2010) I came back and enrolled in a different degree. However, my old degree from 1989 is still on their books (I'm still using my old student number from back then as well). This university has a limit on how many first year units you can have on record with them. The first year units I did back in 1989 occupy most of that count for me, so the first year units for the degree I'm studying now show up as invalid, and I have to ask the student centre to let them through.

So, I did my re-enrolment for this year, and put in the standard couple of first year units. They showed up invalid. I put in a request to the student centre (via their online format) to have them released, stating I knew about the limits on the number of first year units, and I knew the problem was a result of the old degree I'd half-done back in 1989-90.

I got back an email with a couple of links to the rules in question, telling me to put in a response via their online format stating I knew about the limits on the number of first year units and asking to have the current units released.

Fortunately in this case the whole problem was solved by me heading down to the university with steam coming out of my ears and a copy of the whole mess printed out and highlighted to show where the relevant bits had been in my original email. I may well have made a comment about talking to the person who hired the nincompoop who wrote the reply email to me, and asking what the heck they were doing hiring someone who failed "reading comprehension" in Year One.

[shehasathree]

This seems to happen any time I email anyone at my uni about anything. Ugh.