old scars

[deird1]

Today, I didn't get a turn on the swing, and I burst into tears. Isn't that something that's supposed to happen when you're three?

I ended up sitting on a bench hugging my knees and feeling convinced that I completely sucked. Stupid, stupid over-reaction...


But this is the problem with events that have multiple layers.

On the surface, what happened was that I missed a piece of information, and didn't get to go on a swing. Disappointing, but not a big deal.

But look at it another way, and what happened was that I tried really hard to do things right (for once), put a lot of effort into doing things right (for once), felt all hopeful that things would work out properly (for once), and suddenly found out that I'd got the wrong end of the stick and stuffed up (again). And that situation has happened to me, over and over again, since I was tiny.

It's an old wound. With a lot of emotion attached. And having that ridiculous, trivial event pulls up all of this horrible, dreadful emotion, that briefly makes me feel completely out of my depth.


I'm a very together person, for the most part. But even though I survived (even thrived), I still got wounded. And it still can hurt.

Comments

[velvetwhip]

*hugs you tightly*


Gabrielle

"over-reaction"

[1c2k3p4p5c.livejournal.com]

Nobody EVER over reacts. When we interpret someone's reaction as an OVER reaction, we don't know the full story.

[vass]

Ouch. I have that sore spot myself. It's not a fun one, is it?

[nimthiriel]

*hugs* I can relate to that.

[aerintine]

I'm sorry for your pain today.

[curiouswombat]

Those old wounds stay for almost everyone, I think. I am still upset that I never got a go on the rocking horse in the reception class I attended for my first term at school, and that my mother gave away my dolls' house when we moved house when I was seven and then bought my sister a new one - not me.