New Who, as summarised by Mez's brain
Mar. 11th, 2011 11:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deird1Rose:
Nine shows up unexpectedly, makes silly comments, runs around London, and makes more silly comments. Then there is Rose, and explosions.
The End of the World:
Trees are really pretty, and the last human alive is a trampoline with a face. This does not end well.
The Unquiet Dead:
Charles Dickens chases zombies around Cardiff. Nine and Rose find Cardiff exceedingly amusing, for reasons that escape my comprehension. Plus, the zombies turn into floaty-ghost things. Apparently, blue is pretty and trustworthy; red means you're actually evil.
Aliens of London & World War Three:
Harriet Jones is stiff-upper-lippy and too fun for words. Excitingly huge aliens are making politicians fart, and Nine saves the day by quipping at everyone in sight. Also, the internet can be used for far too many things it couldn't really be used for, such as destroying parliament. (Given 4chan, if you could destroy parliament by hacking the net, someone would have done so already. Truefax.)
Dalek:
A Dalek arrives (finally!), Americans are evil and incompetent, Nine is shirtless (*swoons*), and the Dalek is really a teeny little monster with wavey tentacles. He's so cute!
The Long Game:
Weird head devices, and a ceiling blob monster. Nuff said.
Father's Day:
Rose's father shows up to star in the SADDEST STORY EVER. So very sad. D:
...oh, and pterodactyls eat London.
The Empty Child & The Doctor Dances:
Steven Moffat decides to make us afraid of children. Nine and Rose run around hiding from scary children, and bump into Jack Harkness. (Proper Jack Harkness, pre dumb spinoff.) Tape recorders and typewriters are also apparently scary, but bananas are hilarious.
Boom Town:
Farting monster lady shows up and tries to kill Nine over an amiable dinner. Rose and Mickey angst at each other in the background and I DO NOT CARE. Go away, angsty humans, and let me watch the aliens trying to kill each other off politely.
Bad Wolf & The Parting of the Ways:
Reality TV will outlive us all, Daleks are really not that bright, and Rose is gold and glowy. She's also the best graffiti artist in the whole history of the universe.
The Christmas Invasion:
Ten! He shows up, collapses, sniffs tea, has a sword fight, and quotes the Lion King.
All the rest wouldn't be worth mentioning, except that Harriet Jones is still introducing herself to all and sundry. YOU TELL EM, HARRIET JONES PRIME MINISTER.
New Earth:
Cats are evil, and disease-zombies can be perfectly cured by splashing them with multi-coloured water. In other news, bodyswaps are really really fun.
Tooth and Claw:
Queen Victoria is nearly eaten by werewolves. She is not amused.
For some reason, this show shares D&D's belief that all monks are really good at martial arts.
School Reunion:
Sarah Jane Smith, whom I have never seen before, shows up and instantly makes me nostalgic for episodes I haven't even watched. How does she do that? But anyway, teachers are evil, pterodactyls are worse, and children should never eat school lunches.
The Girl in the Fireplace:
Ten runs around pre-revolutionary France, wooing the king's mistress. Steven Moffat steps up his campaign of terror by trying to make us afraid of clocks. Also, Ten rides a horse through a mirror. He rides a HORSE through a MIRROR! How cool!!!!
Rise of the Cybermen & The Age of Steel:
Once again, people in sci-fi shows have no problem with hooking computers directly into their brains - and I boggle at their lack of genre-savvy.
Mickey saves the day by using iPhones.
The Idiot's Lantern:
Creepy people have NO FACES because television SUCKS THEIR FACES OFF. Don't these people realise we're watching tv? What are they trying to do to us??? I watch the whole silly episode all the way to the end, because I'm too scared to touch my remote control.
The Impossible Planet & The Satan Pit:
Creepy, creepy Satan guy. *shudders*
And the Ood. *shudders*
And hieroglyphics. *shudders*
Stupid episode. *shudders*
Love and Monsters:
Cute people play guitar and are cute, and then the plot shows up and ruins everything.
Fear Her:
The Olympics!
Ten and Rose get attacked by a giant scribble, then save the day through love.
Army of Ghosts & Doomsday:
Ten wears 3D glasses, snarks at Torchwood (proper Torchwood), snarks at Jackie, runs away from Daleks, and grins at everybody. The Daleks sneer at the Cybermen - BEST ARGUMENT EVER - and then fly around the world shooting people. Big sucking wall of doom destroys Ten's life, and reduces me to tears. I... really don't mind. I just sniffle, and keep watching through the tears.
The Runaway Bride:
Donna the bride shows up and yells loudly. And has no pockets.
Weird spider lady is living in the Thames and yelling loudly too. I hate her, and cheer when Ten destroys her life.
Smith and Jones:
Martha and Ten save a hospital from the rhino police! Yay!
The Shakespeare Code:
Witches show up at Shakespeare's theatre and try to do... um... something. That's... bad? And... involves special effects. Or something. And this will lead to... um... something else. But clearly it must be bad, because they're witches, after all. Plus, they're attacking Shakespeare, who's British and hot. They must be stopped!
Gridlock:
Ten and Martha jump from car to car in an eternal traffic jam, meeting lots of domestic alien families. Then the Face of Boe dies.
Daleks in Manhattan & Evolution of the Daleks:
The Daleks created human-dalek hybrids, then decide that was a dumb idea. They also create an army of pig-people, for... some reason.
The Lazarus Experiment:
An old guy rewrites his DNA and turns into a giant spider monster. (What is it with this show and spiders?) But he's a young spider monster, so that's alright. Ten and Martha defeat him by making loud sounds in a cathedral - which any Spiderman fan worth her salt could have predicted.
42:
Something... happens. It is clearly boring enough that my mind erases it and moves on to other things.
Human Nature & The Family of Blood:
Ten, who is now not!Ten, teaches in a school, while Martha, who isn't not!Martha scrubs floors. Then Martha's friend gets taken over by aliens and becomes Martha's not!friend, as shown by her weird taste in beverages.
Despite having cool disintegratey laser guns, the aliens decide to attack everyone with scarecrows. This works about as well as you might expect - so they eventually give up and march in with laser guns again.
Then not!Ten decides not to turn back into Ten and hands Ten over to the aliens, but turns out to be Ten masquerading as not!Ten so the aliens won't realise that he's Ten and being all Tennish on their ship. Then not!Ten's girlfriend asks Ten to turn back into not!Ten, but he doesn't because he's so much more Tenly when he's Ten.
Blink:
Steven Moffat's brain is a bizarre and disturbing place, and he really wants to make me afraid of statues. Statues.
Sally Sparrow saves the day through letting everyone else time-travel around her, and is so completely awesome that I spend the next two seasons mourning her not becoming a companion.
I also don't sleep properly for the next week. STATUES.
Utopia:
The future is dirty. And kind of depressing.
The Sound of Drums & Last of the Time Lords:
The Master slaughters people and laughs maniacally, and I totally don't notice the slaughter because the maniacal laughing is so completely cool. Also, slaughtering the US President is a good way to get people on your side.
The Master then decides to live in the sky and dance around to pop-music. As far as evil plans go, it's one of the more enjoyable ones.
Voyage of the Damned:
Kylie Minogue is too pretty to live, so she dissolves into pixie dust and floats out to live in the sky. Meanwhile, London nearly gets destroyed by the Titanic. Poor London. Why does everyone keep trying to destroy you?
Partners in Crime:
Donna and Ten run around and play charades! Hooray!
There are also little balls of fat developing limbs and running away, and it freaks me out. O.O
The Fires of Pompeii:
Ten and Donna go and explore the Cambridge Latin Course, and try to stop people turning to stone. Then they shrug, and blow up a volcano instead.
Planet of the Ood:
Ood. Again. *shudders*
Donna tries to make their angsty Oodness seem worth caring about, but it doesn't work awfully well.
The Sontaran Stratagem & The Poison Sky:
Evil potatoes invade Britain, create evil clones of people, and blow up the sky. Evil genius kid turns out to be not so much evil as astonishingly naive, and gets all noble and sacrificey.
The Doctor's Daughter:
The Doctor has a daughter, who does backflips, and Martha hangs out with fish-people. Then Donna saves the day through her awesome powers of secretarying, and the world becomes a pretty pretty garden.
The Unicorn and the Wasp:
HOW MANY AGATHA CHRISTIE QUOTES CAN WE CRAM INTO ONE HOUR LET US TRY. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Silence in the Library & Forest of the Dead:
There's this whole thing with a girl stuck in a computer system and termite creatures eating the planet, and I do not care one iota because look! It's River Song!
So, River Song shows up and is too awesome for words, and snarks at Ten and awesomes some more, and then decides, for a change, to be awesome.
Then Steven Moffat decides to up the ante and make us all scared of the dark. You are an EVIL MAN, Moff.
Anyway, then River Song is awesome yet again. And progressively more awesome. And I love her.
Midnight:
An evil lady fulfills her evil plan of evil by repeating what people say until they get annoyed with her. (I tried this when I was ten and a pain. It worked well.)
Turn Left:
Donna makes a bad driving decision and destroys the world, laughter, and all hope in the universe. Also, Rose can teleport through time.
The Stolen Earth & Journey's End:
Daleks show up, try to destroy the world, try to destroy the Doctor, yadda yadda yadda, and RTD is the worst person in the history of everything ever because he steals Donna's memories. HE STEALS HER MEMORIES. FOREVER. I HATE HIM. BAD RTD! BAD!
The Next Doctor:
Ten meets his new self, who travels around London in a hot air balloon, fighting giant mecha cybermen who (once again) want to destroy London. Honestly, show! Give London a break!
Planet of the Dead:
Hot acrobatty thief chick shows up and they run around a planet of sand. Which is... bad? Not memorable, anyway - which I suppose counts as "bad" for a tv show.
The Waters of Mars:
Weird possessed people have their faces crack open because of evil water!!!! I hated watching the face-cracking when Angel did it; and here it creeps me out even more. *shudders*
Ten also decides that he is God Almighty, and has a huge powertrip... that lasts about a minute. And then never gets heard of again. (Character development, anyone?)
The End of Time:
(The only one of these episodes that I have never actually watched. But I have it on good authority that it goes something like this...)
Ten: *runs around London*
The Master: *appears and laughs maniacally*
Ood: *watches soulfully*
Wilf: *has no idea what's going on*
Ten: "Oh noes! The Master is back!"
The Master: "That's right! I'm back!" *clones self times infinity*
Ood: *watches soulfully*
Ten: "Oh noes! Too many Masters! Ack!"
Rest of TimeLords: *stop being dead*
Ten: *is shocked*
Rest of TimeLords: "All hail the Master. Err... all of them."
Ten: "Oh noes!"
The Master: *laughs maniacally and in unison*
Ten: *pulls secret Master-stopping lever and stops the Master*
Wilf: *applauds*
Ood: *watches soulfully*
Ten: *is dying*
Ten: "No! I don't wanna go!"
Ten: *travels through time meeting everyone he's ever known and watching them all carry on with their boring boring lives*
Ten: "Ack! Still don't wanna go!"
Ten: *is still dying*
Ten: "Okay! I'll die then!"
Ten: *dies*
TARDIS: *explodes*
(It's faintly possible I have issues with this episode.)
The Eleventh Hour:
Teeny little Amelia is teeny and cute and prays to Santa Claus. Santa shows up in the form of... Eleventy!!!! Glitter falls from the ceiling, trumpets sound, fireworks explode, etc.
After a lovely dinner of fish custard, and much exciting conversation, Eleventy skips forward a decade or so and then meets up with Amy and battles giant snake guy.
He then puts on a bow tie, which is COOL. Because he says so.
The Beast Below:
Liz Ten parades around mechanical spaceship Britain, being the bloody queen. She finds Eleventy, shoots evil robots, and helps free a whale. Because she's the BLOODY QUEEN.
Victory of the Daleks:
Winston Churchill goes out of his mind and decides to stop the evil fascist Germans by using evil fascist aliens. This does not go well. Eleventy then stops them using only a small biscuit. ELEVENTY YOU ARE SO COOL.
The Time of Angels & Flesh and Stone:
River Song jumps into the middle of space wearing heels, well aware that Eleventy will be there to catch her. Then River and Eleventy fight Weeping Angels, protect Amy from her own eyesight, watch people die, and bicker like an old married couple. And I decide I want nothing so much as to see them do that again. Ad infinitum.
The Vampires of Venice:
Weird fish people come to Earth and decide that being vampires is the perfect disguise. Which... sounds more interesting than it is.
Amy's Choice:
Is Amy pregnant and about to get dissolved by octogenarians, or is she on a spaceship and about to freeze by getting too close to the sun? Hmm, choices...
Rory and Eleventy bicker like little boys, which is almost as good as River and Eleventy bickering.
The Hungry Earth & Cold Blood:
Nice non-humans show up and get killed by xenophobic humans, thus preventing Peace In Our Time, as happens in EVERY SINGLE SCI-FI SHOW EVER.
I am prevented from total boredom by the sudden and sad death of Rory who gets erased from history. D: Come back, Rory! We loved you!
Vincent and the Doctor:
Amy and Eleventy hang out with Vincent VanGogh, and try to prevent him from accidentally destroying half of his paintings. This is harder than it sounds. Also, Vincent finds out that he's famous and cries - and I cry right along with him.
The Lodger:
Eleventy hangs out in some guy's flat, plays football, talks to cats, and runs around wearing nothing but a towel. Then half the flat stops existing, and they all live happily ever after.
The Pandorica Opens & The Big Bang:
River Song decides to challenge Rose's longstanding title of best graffiti artist in the whole history of the universe, by writing love letters on a really old cliff. Nice try, River, but you'll have to do that another thirty times to qualify. OH WAIT YOU HAVE. YOU ARE SO COOL.
Then toy soldiers who look real but are made out of plastic arrive, Rory comes back, kills Amy, the universe slowly stops existing, Amy and Amelia meet up in a museum, a Dalek attacks them all, River destroys Eleventy's fez, the TARDIS has taken over from the sun, and Amelia is cute, and TIME TRAVEL, and secret notes, and Rory being loyal, and Eleventy saving everyone, and Amy's parents, and blue borrowed things for wedding days, and silly silly dancing, and...
*sighs*
I LOVE THIS SHOW.
Bring on season 6. :)
...I was bored, okay?
Nine shows up unexpectedly, makes silly comments, runs around London, and makes more silly comments. Then there is Rose, and explosions.
The End of the World:
Trees are really pretty, and the last human alive is a trampoline with a face. This does not end well.
The Unquiet Dead:
Charles Dickens chases zombies around Cardiff. Nine and Rose find Cardiff exceedingly amusing, for reasons that escape my comprehension. Plus, the zombies turn into floaty-ghost things. Apparently, blue is pretty and trustworthy; red means you're actually evil.
Aliens of London & World War Three:
Harriet Jones is stiff-upper-lippy and too fun for words. Excitingly huge aliens are making politicians fart, and Nine saves the day by quipping at everyone in sight. Also, the internet can be used for far too many things it couldn't really be used for, such as destroying parliament. (Given 4chan, if you could destroy parliament by hacking the net, someone would have done so already. Truefax.)
Dalek:
A Dalek arrives (finally!), Americans are evil and incompetent, Nine is shirtless (*swoons*), and the Dalek is really a teeny little monster with wavey tentacles. He's so cute!
The Long Game:
Weird head devices, and a ceiling blob monster. Nuff said.
Father's Day:
Rose's father shows up to star in the SADDEST STORY EVER. So very sad. D:
...oh, and pterodactyls eat London.
The Empty Child & The Doctor Dances:
Steven Moffat decides to make us afraid of children. Nine and Rose run around hiding from scary children, and bump into Jack Harkness. (Proper Jack Harkness, pre dumb spinoff.) Tape recorders and typewriters are also apparently scary, but bananas are hilarious.
Boom Town:
Farting monster lady shows up and tries to kill Nine over an amiable dinner. Rose and Mickey angst at each other in the background and I DO NOT CARE. Go away, angsty humans, and let me watch the aliens trying to kill each other off politely.
Bad Wolf & The Parting of the Ways:
Reality TV will outlive us all, Daleks are really not that bright, and Rose is gold and glowy. She's also the best graffiti artist in the whole history of the universe.
The Christmas Invasion:
Ten! He shows up, collapses, sniffs tea, has a sword fight, and quotes the Lion King.
All the rest wouldn't be worth mentioning, except that Harriet Jones is still introducing herself to all and sundry. YOU TELL EM, HARRIET JONES PRIME MINISTER.
New Earth:
Cats are evil, and disease-zombies can be perfectly cured by splashing them with multi-coloured water. In other news, bodyswaps are really really fun.
Tooth and Claw:
Queen Victoria is nearly eaten by werewolves. She is not amused.
For some reason, this show shares D&D's belief that all monks are really good at martial arts.
School Reunion:
Sarah Jane Smith, whom I have never seen before, shows up and instantly makes me nostalgic for episodes I haven't even watched. How does she do that? But anyway, teachers are evil, pterodactyls are worse, and children should never eat school lunches.
The Girl in the Fireplace:
Ten runs around pre-revolutionary France, wooing the king's mistress. Steven Moffat steps up his campaign of terror by trying to make us afraid of clocks. Also, Ten rides a horse through a mirror. He rides a HORSE through a MIRROR! How cool!!!!
Rise of the Cybermen & The Age of Steel:
Once again, people in sci-fi shows have no problem with hooking computers directly into their brains - and I boggle at their lack of genre-savvy.
Mickey saves the day by using iPhones.
The Idiot's Lantern:
Creepy people have NO FACES because television SUCKS THEIR FACES OFF. Don't these people realise we're watching tv? What are they trying to do to us??? I watch the whole silly episode all the way to the end, because I'm too scared to touch my remote control.
The Impossible Planet & The Satan Pit:
Creepy, creepy Satan guy. *shudders*
And the Ood. *shudders*
And hieroglyphics. *shudders*
Stupid episode. *shudders*
Love and Monsters:
Cute people play guitar and are cute, and then the plot shows up and ruins everything.
Fear Her:
The Olympics!
Ten and Rose get attacked by a giant scribble, then save the day through love.
Army of Ghosts & Doomsday:
Ten wears 3D glasses, snarks at Torchwood (proper Torchwood), snarks at Jackie, runs away from Daleks, and grins at everybody. The Daleks sneer at the Cybermen - BEST ARGUMENT EVER - and then fly around the world shooting people. Big sucking wall of doom destroys Ten's life, and reduces me to tears. I... really don't mind. I just sniffle, and keep watching through the tears.
The Runaway Bride:
Donna the bride shows up and yells loudly. And has no pockets.
Weird spider lady is living in the Thames and yelling loudly too. I hate her, and cheer when Ten destroys her life.
Smith and Jones:
Martha and Ten save a hospital from the rhino police! Yay!
The Shakespeare Code:
Witches show up at Shakespeare's theatre and try to do... um... something. That's... bad? And... involves special effects. Or something. And this will lead to... um... something else. But clearly it must be bad, because they're witches, after all. Plus, they're attacking Shakespeare, who's British and hot. They must be stopped!
Gridlock:
Ten and Martha jump from car to car in an eternal traffic jam, meeting lots of domestic alien families. Then the Face of Boe dies.
Daleks in Manhattan & Evolution of the Daleks:
The Daleks created human-dalek hybrids, then decide that was a dumb idea. They also create an army of pig-people, for... some reason.
The Lazarus Experiment:
An old guy rewrites his DNA and turns into a giant spider monster. (What is it with this show and spiders?) But he's a young spider monster, so that's alright. Ten and Martha defeat him by making loud sounds in a cathedral - which any Spiderman fan worth her salt could have predicted.
42:
Something... happens. It is clearly boring enough that my mind erases it and moves on to other things.
Human Nature & The Family of Blood:
Ten, who is now not!Ten, teaches in a school, while Martha, who isn't not!Martha scrubs floors. Then Martha's friend gets taken over by aliens and becomes Martha's not!friend, as shown by her weird taste in beverages.
Despite having cool disintegratey laser guns, the aliens decide to attack everyone with scarecrows. This works about as well as you might expect - so they eventually give up and march in with laser guns again.
Then not!Ten decides not to turn back into Ten and hands Ten over to the aliens, but turns out to be Ten masquerading as not!Ten so the aliens won't realise that he's Ten and being all Tennish on their ship. Then not!Ten's girlfriend asks Ten to turn back into not!Ten, but he doesn't because he's so much more Tenly when he's Ten.
Blink:
Steven Moffat's brain is a bizarre and disturbing place, and he really wants to make me afraid of statues. Statues.
Sally Sparrow saves the day through letting everyone else time-travel around her, and is so completely awesome that I spend the next two seasons mourning her not becoming a companion.
I also don't sleep properly for the next week. STATUES.
Utopia:
The future is dirty. And kind of depressing.
The Sound of Drums & Last of the Time Lords:
The Master slaughters people and laughs maniacally, and I totally don't notice the slaughter because the maniacal laughing is so completely cool. Also, slaughtering the US President is a good way to get people on your side.
The Master then decides to live in the sky and dance around to pop-music. As far as evil plans go, it's one of the more enjoyable ones.
Voyage of the Damned:
Kylie Minogue is too pretty to live, so she dissolves into pixie dust and floats out to live in the sky. Meanwhile, London nearly gets destroyed by the Titanic. Poor London. Why does everyone keep trying to destroy you?
Partners in Crime:
Donna and Ten run around and play charades! Hooray!
There are also little balls of fat developing limbs and running away, and it freaks me out. O.O
The Fires of Pompeii:
Ten and Donna go and explore the Cambridge Latin Course, and try to stop people turning to stone. Then they shrug, and blow up a volcano instead.
Planet of the Ood:
Ood. Again. *shudders*
Donna tries to make their angsty Oodness seem worth caring about, but it doesn't work awfully well.
The Sontaran Stratagem & The Poison Sky:
Evil potatoes invade Britain, create evil clones of people, and blow up the sky. Evil genius kid turns out to be not so much evil as astonishingly naive, and gets all noble and sacrificey.
The Doctor's Daughter:
The Doctor has a daughter, who does backflips, and Martha hangs out with fish-people. Then Donna saves the day through her awesome powers of secretarying, and the world becomes a pretty pretty garden.
The Unicorn and the Wasp:
HOW MANY AGATHA CHRISTIE QUOTES CAN WE CRAM INTO ONE HOUR LET US TRY. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Silence in the Library & Forest of the Dead:
There's this whole thing with a girl stuck in a computer system and termite creatures eating the planet, and I do not care one iota because look! It's River Song!
So, River Song shows up and is too awesome for words, and snarks at Ten and awesomes some more, and then decides, for a change, to be awesome.
Then Steven Moffat decides to up the ante and make us all scared of the dark. You are an EVIL MAN, Moff.
Anyway, then River Song is awesome yet again. And progressively more awesome. And I love her.
Midnight:
An evil lady fulfills her evil plan of evil by repeating what people say until they get annoyed with her. (I tried this when I was ten and a pain. It worked well.)
Turn Left:
Donna makes a bad driving decision and destroys the world, laughter, and all hope in the universe. Also, Rose can teleport through time.
The Stolen Earth & Journey's End:
Daleks show up, try to destroy the world, try to destroy the Doctor, yadda yadda yadda, and RTD is the worst person in the history of everything ever because he steals Donna's memories. HE STEALS HER MEMORIES. FOREVER. I HATE HIM. BAD RTD! BAD!
The Next Doctor:
Ten meets his new self, who travels around London in a hot air balloon, fighting giant mecha cybermen who (once again) want to destroy London. Honestly, show! Give London a break!
Planet of the Dead:
Hot acrobatty thief chick shows up and they run around a planet of sand. Which is... bad? Not memorable, anyway - which I suppose counts as "bad" for a tv show.
The Waters of Mars:
Weird possessed people have their faces crack open because of evil water!!!! I hated watching the face-cracking when Angel did it; and here it creeps me out even more. *shudders*
Ten also decides that he is God Almighty, and has a huge powertrip... that lasts about a minute. And then never gets heard of again. (Character development, anyone?)
The End of Time:
(The only one of these episodes that I have never actually watched. But I have it on good authority that it goes something like this...)
Ten: *runs around London*
The Master: *appears and laughs maniacally*
Ood: *watches soulfully*
Wilf: *has no idea what's going on*
Ten: "Oh noes! The Master is back!"
The Master: "That's right! I'm back!" *clones self times infinity*
Ood: *watches soulfully*
Ten: "Oh noes! Too many Masters! Ack!"
Rest of TimeLords: *stop being dead*
Ten: *is shocked*
Rest of TimeLords: "All hail the Master. Err... all of them."
Ten: "Oh noes!"
The Master: *laughs maniacally and in unison*
Ten: *pulls secret Master-stopping lever and stops the Master*
Wilf: *applauds*
Ood: *watches soulfully*
Ten: *is dying*
Ten: "No! I don't wanna go!"
Ten: *travels through time meeting everyone he's ever known and watching them all carry on with their boring boring lives*
Ten: "Ack! Still don't wanna go!"
Ten: *is still dying*
Ten: "Okay! I'll die then!"
Ten: *dies*
TARDIS: *explodes*
(It's faintly possible I have issues with this episode.)
The Eleventh Hour:
Teeny little Amelia is teeny and cute and prays to Santa Claus. Santa shows up in the form of... Eleventy!!!! Glitter falls from the ceiling, trumpets sound, fireworks explode, etc.
After a lovely dinner of fish custard, and much exciting conversation, Eleventy skips forward a decade or so and then meets up with Amy and battles giant snake guy.
He then puts on a bow tie, which is COOL. Because he says so.
The Beast Below:
Liz Ten parades around mechanical spaceship Britain, being the bloody queen. She finds Eleventy, shoots evil robots, and helps free a whale. Because she's the BLOODY QUEEN.
Victory of the Daleks:
Winston Churchill goes out of his mind and decides to stop the evil fascist Germans by using evil fascist aliens. This does not go well. Eleventy then stops them using only a small biscuit. ELEVENTY YOU ARE SO COOL.
The Time of Angels & Flesh and Stone:
River Song jumps into the middle of space wearing heels, well aware that Eleventy will be there to catch her. Then River and Eleventy fight Weeping Angels, protect Amy from her own eyesight, watch people die, and bicker like an old married couple. And I decide I want nothing so much as to see them do that again. Ad infinitum.
The Vampires of Venice:
Weird fish people come to Earth and decide that being vampires is the perfect disguise. Which... sounds more interesting than it is.
Amy's Choice:
Is Amy pregnant and about to get dissolved by octogenarians, or is she on a spaceship and about to freeze by getting too close to the sun? Hmm, choices...
Rory and Eleventy bicker like little boys, which is almost as good as River and Eleventy bickering.
The Hungry Earth & Cold Blood:
Nice non-humans show up and get killed by xenophobic humans, thus preventing Peace In Our Time, as happens in EVERY SINGLE SCI-FI SHOW EVER.
I am prevented from total boredom by the sudden and sad death of Rory who gets erased from history. D: Come back, Rory! We loved you!
Vincent and the Doctor:
Amy and Eleventy hang out with Vincent VanGogh, and try to prevent him from accidentally destroying half of his paintings. This is harder than it sounds. Also, Vincent finds out that he's famous and cries - and I cry right along with him.
The Lodger:
Eleventy hangs out in some guy's flat, plays football, talks to cats, and runs around wearing nothing but a towel. Then half the flat stops existing, and they all live happily ever after.
The Pandorica Opens & The Big Bang:
River Song decides to challenge Rose's longstanding title of best graffiti artist in the whole history of the universe, by writing love letters on a really old cliff. Nice try, River, but you'll have to do that another thirty times to qualify. OH WAIT YOU HAVE. YOU ARE SO COOL.
Then toy soldiers who look real but are made out of plastic arrive, Rory comes back, kills Amy, the universe slowly stops existing, Amy and Amelia meet up in a museum, a Dalek attacks them all, River destroys Eleventy's fez, the TARDIS has taken over from the sun, and Amelia is cute, and TIME TRAVEL, and secret notes, and Rory being loyal, and Eleventy saving everyone, and Amy's parents, and blue borrowed things for wedding days, and silly silly dancing, and...
*sighs*
I LOVE THIS SHOW.
Bring on season 6. :)
...I was bored, okay?