dish fairness in an unequal world

[deird1]

Currently reading lots of discussions on marriagey stuff like... housework.


I seem to be the only person in the world who doesn't think that the fairest way to split it is:
- one person does the cooking
- the other person does the dishes

The thing is, there are ways to cook, and then there are ways.

It's possible to cook something in a way which ends up with dishes strewn all over the kitchen. It's possible to cook something in a single dish. It's possible to cook something while washing dishes as you go.


And I agree - in a world where Person A and Person B both cook food and end up with 6 dirty dishes, then the fairest scenario is:
night 1 - A cooks, B does the 6 dishes
night 2 - B cooks, A does the 6 dishes
...and so on, ad infinitum.

However, this is rarely the world I find myself in.


Most commonly, it ends up something more like:
night 1 - A cooks, B does the 6 dishes
night 2 - B cooks, A does the 27 dishes

Or:
night 1 - A cooks, B does the 6 dishes
night 2 - B cooks, B does the 6 dishes while cooking, A has the night off

And, either way, one person ends up with a disproportionate dish load.


Realistically, some dinners will create more dirty dishes than others. And some styles of cooking will create more dirty dishes than others. And, as a rule, the person who is doing the cooking will be the one who chooses what to cook, and how to cook it.

That being the case, I tend to prefer each cook doing their own cooking dishes - with the other person chipping in to do the dishes from eating the food.



So, thoughts? Am I totally weird?

Comments

[velvetwhip]

The fact that no one who values their palate (or health) would ever consume something I cooked means that I never cook and always do dishes. Seems fair to me.


Gabrielle

[frayadjacent]

Interesting system, and it does seem more fair. I agree with your objections -- I find it really hard to cook with dirty dishes, so oftentimes I wash dishes before cooking. That means the person with dish duty is only washing dishes associated with the meal I made. But if the person cooking for me doesn't wash dishes beforehand, then dish duty can include dishes from a day or more before as well.

My partner and I don't have an explicit system. More often than not if one of us is doing more than their fair share of housework generally, that person will complain and the other person will start picking up their slack. I guess it works? Lately, I've been doing way less housework because of my repetitive strain injuries. I think I could count on two hands the number of dishes I've washed in the last couple of months. It sucks! Well, less so for me, obviously. But I do feel bad about it.

[eleanorjane]

Yeah, I pity whoever had to do dishes after I cooked; I seem incapable of cooking a simple meal without getting 7892378925 dishes and pans dirty.

My partner and I have a split we're both happy with: I cook and do dishes, he does laundry (which I HATE) and the bins. I think my chore load is a bit higher than his, but I get to skip the two chores I hate, so we're both satisfied.

[immer_am_lesen]

Our dishwasher has saved a lot of 'argh' over the washing of dishes....so now all we have to handwash are pots and cooking utensils and containers, and that doesn't take long so long as I do them every night.
Or if I've cooked something nice, he does them without asking. :-)

So yeah, I think that if A does a 'nice' meal (i.e. it takes a lot of time and effort), then B should offer to do the cleaning after enjoying the food.
If A makes an ordinary meal, then A usually asks B to help with at least stacking the dishwasher. If B is nice, then he will keep going and handwash the rest too. :-)

Dishwashing

[1c2k3p4p5c.livejournal.com]

In my ideal world, A goes to a lot of trouble making a nice dinner that will be appreciated by B. B's preferred dinner happens to make a lot of dishes. A and B together join forces to clear the kitchen - an acknowledgement by A that dishes were produced by them, and gratitude by B of A's effort.

[curiouswombat]

Both my mother and grandmother were cooks by trade and the rules in our house from childhood was 'A good cook always washes up as they go along' - there should be no pots, pans, bowls etc unwashed when you sit to eat. Non-cooks did the crockery and cutlery - basically this meant dishes were the children's job until we were big enough to cook!

[marsdejahthoris]

My roommate has physical limitations that don't quite qualify, legally or in our heads, as disabilities. This includes having trouble standing up for long periods of time, which basically means that I do the dishes. Period. Cooking goes mostly to whoever feels like it, but since we cook with similar levels of "involvement," that's fine. (And if neither of us feel like it, we have sandwiches or MAYBE order in.) But she cleans the entire bathroom, because she can do most of it sitting down, the sink doesn't take long, and mildew and other various gunk makes me hurl. It works for us.

[hickumu]

Huh. You know, I never really thought about it either way. But, actually, that makes sense - I'm doing my own cooking, since going vegetarian, and it took me two pans to Grandma and Mom's one to make my food.

Chipping in depending on how much of the mess you actually contributed to seems pretty fair, actually.

[nimthiriel]

For us it came down to we each had certain jobs around the house, and we always ended up doing dishes together (one washing, other drying). So Phil would do the vacuuming and laundry or mowing the lawn, while cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. Basically it came down to what we each preferred, had more experience with, or were able to do (you may recall what happened the one time I tried to empty a vacuum cleaner bag).