I just need to find the perfect school. It's not that hard.

[deird1]

I tried to discuss this with my best friend, but a performing arts background is not among her many virtues, so she doesn't really get it.

Hence, venting to those of you who care:

I am currently checking out secondary schools in my local area, because my son will need to go to one in 2027. We're looking at state and private schools (assuming those private schools are at least vaguely affordable), and going to as many school tours as we can.

This morning, I went to one that would be perfect at handling my autistic, socially-awkward, kind-of-a-flailing-mess kid. They have great support, great strategies in place for neurodivergent students, and a really nice school culture.

Their academic program is nothing to write home about, but is fine.

…and their performing arts program is nonexistent. No bands, no concerts, no drama classes. They can learn music as an elective subject, but that's it.

Guys. I don't think I can send my kidlets to a school that doesn't do lots of performing arts. I just… no. NO.

I want them to be able to play music with their friends, and do the school musical, and join a band. And apparently this is important enough to me that every other positive aspect of the school fades into the background.

I swear I'm not trying to be ridiculously shallow. But being a musical person was such a huge part of my life – and still is – and is pretty important to my kids, too. They're both musicians, and both trying to get better at their instruments, and the idea of sending them to a school that doesn't value that part of them just… hurts my soul.

Comments

[conuly]

Do you think they might be good enough to be inclined to beef up their music, at least, in response to a parent advocate or two?

[deird1]

I’m seriously considering volunteering to run a lunchtime music club…

[elisi]

My immediate thought is: Are there any music centres nearby? As someone whose youngest has just started at conservatoire last September (the violin is her main instrument, but she will play anything she can get her hands on) she didn't study music in school at all (because the music provision was terrible), although she would join in bands when they performed etc.

However she went to the local music centre since she was young, was in several groups/bands there and that was how she grew her skills, found a tutor etc etc.

Do you have anything similar?

You can then work on the school, maybe get on the school board and make changes.

[kazzy_cee]

Exactly what I was going to suggest :)

[elisi]

Great minds, or something like that! ^_^

[deird1]

They can learn instruments outside of school, but bands and musical productions are harder to find.

I think I’ll need to google…

[elisi]

Do you have community centres? Or local theatre groups? Wishing you good luck finding something, and hopefully your son can have both a great school and good extra curricular activities. 🤞

[hnpcc]

Both my niece are nephew are at a state school with a strong emphasis on performing arts. Also a smaller school, as my niece in particular would be lost in the crowd otherwise. I think the focus on music and arts and performance is worth keeping looking for.

[deird1]

Yeah, I think so too.

[hnpcc]

My niece and a friend's child also go to Stage School on weekends/after school (can't remember which one does what day) but that may also be an option. The instruments and band is a bit harder (although if they like brass there are a lot of community bands there).
Also wanted to say that sometimes literally one teacher with a bit of a passion coming in can turn this around - it might be worth talking to the school about whether music etc. is a direction they're looking at going in.
Good luck - I still find the "having secondary school options" thing kind of weird (grew up rural, was a non- Catholic girl... so one school available! Was fortunate that music, theatre and fairly wide range of academic subjects were covered.)

[tielan]

I would keep it in mind, but bump it down the list. Unless it's the only one in the area that could suitably handle said kid, in which case...you've got a tough choice to make.

I admit I'm kind of surprised (and this might be a sign of just how privileged an area I live in) because even in the state schools of my area there are bands and chamber groups and choirs and yearly musicals. And the selective schools also have musical and art programs of some kind, even if they're not as important as the academic stuff.

[deird1]

Yeah, most of ours too. But this one lost most of its students 12 years ago, and is gradually building up to a viable size again. They just don’t have the numbers for all the stuff they should be doing.

[lirazel]

Hey, if it's important to your kids like it's important to you, then it makes sense that you're prioritizing this!

I hope you find the perfect fit!

[deird1]

Thanks.

This is so damn complicated. It would be far more convenient if an unfeeling government bureaucracy assigned me to a school without giving me a choice.

[shadowkat]

I agree with you on this one. Being able to take theater, art, and perform in plays, also speech contests during high school - saved my sanity. Prior to that I did it outside of high school. I may not do it now - but it did help, and because of it? I overcame a speech impediment, which doesn't exist now.

It's not shallow at all. Music, performing arts, band, choir, plays, art - are needed. They are as important as an athletics program. Can you keep looking? I don't know what schools are like in Australia. (I think you are in Australia.)

[deird1]

Being able to take theater, art, and perform in plays, also speech contests during high school - saved my sanity.

Exactly! Me too.

Yes, I’m in Australia. Our secondary schools go from year 7 to year 12. We have “school zones” - and I’m allowed to apply anywhere I want, but they don’t have to take me unless I’m in their zone. (The school we’re zoned for is terrible. Hence I’m looking EVERYWHERE.)

[shadowkat]

Makes sense. And that's similar to the US, except it is divided into or by "districts" and unless you move out of your district, or go to private school, or get a voucher for another school, you're kind of stuck with that school. People often base their housing choices in the US on school districts. My brother put his kid in private school, co-workers have chosen housing based on district, as did my parents.

[out_there]

That depends on which state of Australia you're in. When I grew up in the ACT, the school districts/zones are enforced -- ie. if you're in the catchment for that public school, you can only go there unless you pay for private school. It was a pain when we were living in new suburbs as a kid because when a new school opened and the districts were divided, you had to change schools to go to the new one.

In Victoria, where I live now, you can go to a school in a different district but they don't *have* to take you. So there are still some suburbs with great schools that people will move into (to be guaranteed their kid will be accepted there) but there's a lot more choice.