I was discussing Love Actually with my friends, and someone mentioned that the relationship involving Keira Knightley is extremely problematic.

I said, "Yep. But it's one of my favourite stories in the movie."

Everyone stared.

"Why?" they asked. "It's all so… unhealthy."

"EXACTLY," I said.



Because, honestly, my love for fictional relationships has little to do with how healthy I think that relationship would be in real life. If anything, the reverse is true.

Are you a soulless vampire, desperate to stake/screw/destroy the disgustingly soulled vampire lover who you simultaneously adore and despise? I will ship that.

Are you desperately, sort-of secretly, in love with a woman who you keep on calling a "whore", while she insults your job, your skills, and your personal hygiene any chance she gets? I will ship that.

Are you fighting an intergalactic war against your nemesis, father of your daughter, whom you are openly ordering killed while secretly arranging for him to slip through your fingers? I will ship that.

Are you terrified of your wife leaving you, and have arranged a fake pregnancy so that she will stay? Or have you discovered the whole fake-pregnancy thing and are secretly plotting your husband's downfall, while still pretending everything's fine? I will ship that.

Are you utterly devoted to your commanding officer, and following his every order, especially the ones about tying him up, humiliating him, kicking him, and making him lick your shoes? I will ship that.

Are you having fight scenes that somehow morph into sex scenes, where you keep wanting to hurt each other but also can't stay away? I will absolutely ship that.



Healthy relationships are great. They're also – for me – kinda boring to watch. Give me the problematic weirdness any day.