The Mezzanine

computer programmers have very different lives from me, apparently

2021-09-28T01:13:59Z

In today's news: online security questions that ask you questions about your life are DUMB.

Current ones they're wanting me to provide answers to are:
- my spouse's mother's maiden name (assumes that I have a spouse, and that I have the faintest clue what their mother's maiden name IS)

- make and model of my first car (assumes that I had a car, and that I pay the slightest attention to car makes and models)

- the city I met my significant other (assumes that I have a significant other, and that they're the same significant other I had when I set up this security question)

I've previously encountered others such as my favourite song (don't have one), my favourite book (I have four), my first school teacher (don't remember), and my favourite food (not a clue).

Now, if they'd let me create my own, I'd go with (1) my favourite superhero (Spiderman), (2) my favourite author (Agatha Christie), and my favourite fake hobby (Irish Llama Wrestling). You know – stuff I actually know.

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Please keep your laptop on your desk, and only ever use the worldwide web from that single location.

2018-08-20T03:44:59Z

My email is, once again, failing to remember what the point of the internet is.

The point of the internet, as summarised by Mez: YOU CAN GET TO THE BITS YOU WANT FROM ANYWHERE.

I opened my laptop* just now, at my parents' house.
* a portable device, designed to be carried to unusual locations

My laptop's email application quickly did a check for new mail - and Google freaked out. Google logged me out, and emailed me saying "Someone else used your password to try to get into your email account! Change your password immediately!"

(The first time Google did this, I was the sucker who thought I should change my password immediately. I now have a more annoying email password that's harder to remember, which makes it extra annoying when, for example, Google logs me out of my email for being in a new location.)

Which... again. This is the internet. This is what it's for. This is my laptop. This is what my laptop's for. I am supposed to be able to travel to new locations, with the portable device of my choice - or a completely different device, should I so choose - and log into my email from anywhere. THAT IS THE POINT OF EMAIL.

On a related note: recently, I logged into an email account I don't usually use. Google instantly sent me a "Someone has logged in! Password not safe! Panic!" email.

Where did they send it? That's right - to the account they'd just logged me into.

So:
- I log in.
- I see the email inbox.
- The inbox has a new email, from Google, wondering if someone has breached my account, and wanting me to verify whether it's okay.
- I open the email, check "yep, really me", and get on with my day.
...which would have been equally possible if I was in fact a sneaky hacker logging into someone else's email.

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ridiculous company, frustrating morning

2017-04-21T03:51:25Z

So frustrated with Paypal right now.

( the saga )
The Moral Of Our Tale?

Paypal are the devil. And less willing to help than Cthulhu.

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deliberate mistakes

2012-09-13T21:06:25Z

Dear Google,

Thank you for being so helpful.

I searched for "teh menz", and you knew that I meant "the" instead of "teh"! (You weren't quite sure what to do with "menz".)

I searched for "anthropomorfic", and you promptly changed it to "anthropomorphic", because that's clearly what I really meant!

I searched for "happyness", and you wondered why, since I'm such a picky speller, I kept on getting things mis-spelled, but you didn't complain about the extra work I gave you - you kept on enthusiastically helping me out, and searched for "happiness" instead!

I searched for "feministe", and you gave me several thousand results for what I really wanted to search for: "feminist"!

Oh Google, dearest Google, you are so very helpful. Now cut it out.

(Does anyone else wish there was an "I am a pedantic speller" box you could tick so it would search for exactly what you want, straight out?)

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in other random annoyances...

2012-05-03T01:04:08Z

Apple has just succumbed to the "security question" thing. Which is totally fine.

What is not fine is that, like 90% of the security-question-using world, they are setting the questions for you.

Pre-set question that I'll know the answer too: "What is your mother's maiden name?" That one I could answer in my sleep. Absolutely no problem with that. And I'd also be fine if they'd let me write my own questions. I have several things that I know the answer to that would UTTERLY BAFFLE anyone who isn't me.

But no. They're all intent on having questions like:
- What was your least favourite car?
- Where were you on January 1, 2000?
- What is your favourite song?
- Who was your first school teacher?

...and other things that I can't possibly answer. Seriously - how should I know where I was on a New Years Day 12 years ago? And my favourite song changes approximately once a day.

And yet, somehow, I have to pick a security question... and hope desperately that I'll never have to remember the answer to it.

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Bill Gates must be destroyed.

2012-03-02T01:00:44Z

I HATE WORD. WITH A FIERY VENGEANCE. IT IS DESPICABLE AND MUST BE OBLITERATED. DIE WORD DIE.

I changed the spacing of one line - and it changed the font too.

Then I changed the font back - and it DELETED EVERY SINGLE BULLET POINT in the document!!!!

WHAT THE HELL.

*plots revenge*

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State of the Mez

2012-02-12T22:13:56Z

I haven't been posting much of late, mostly through lack of stuff to say and fun ways to say it... But this means you're all a bit behind with my life.

So, here goes:
( work stuff )

( neffies )

( other randomness )

...that's about all, for now. Have a good day, folks.

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A Play in Three Acts

2012-01-10T21:41:16Z

Act One - Malicious Gremlins

Gremlins: Hmm, what mischief can we manage today...

Computer Files: *sit on computer, humming happily, and feeling neatly sorted*

Gremlins: A-ha! *pounce*

AN EPIC BATTLE ENSUES, ENDING WITH...

Gremlins: *drag hapless computer files off to their dungeon, cackling maniacally*

( two more acts )

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let me create my own password, silly system...

2011-12-15T21:52:27Z

Do you know what I hate? Computer systems that keep saying "Oh, no, your password doesn't conform to our guidelines, and hence it is unsafe."

*sighs*

My preferred password, of tqbfjotld (not my actual password, but a good representation thereof) might not have any numbers or capitals in it, but it appears to be* an entirely random series of letters. I'd say it's fairly safe, to be honest.

Certainly safer than the password I have at work - Buffy16 (also not my actual password). It might have capitals and letters, but it's based on an actual word.
Also? I CAN'T REMEMBER THE THING. When I have to write down lots of cryptic reminder notes about my password and leave them next to the computer, it's possible that the purpose of having a password at all has been completely defeated...

* For anyone who's interested: the sample password given is not actually random. It's the first letters of each word in "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs". I like passwords that do that. (And seriously - unless someone's going to write an algorithm comparing the initials of every well known saying and/or list, it's fairly unguessable.)

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here we go again...

2011-11-07T07:00:34Z

Lilac just decided her hard drive doesn't exist - and erased a week's worth of proofreading and an essay I was halfway through, before dying completely. I have an appointment at the Apple store for Thursday. In the meantime, I am feeling computerless.

Thankfully, I have learnt from Lilac's previous Tantrum Of Epicness, and have pretty decent backups...

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catch 2.2

2011-10-25T23:31:03Z

Step 1: the IT guys, still baffled by my computer continually having problems they've never seen before, spend another hour playing around with it, pressing random keys, and hoping their Magical IT Powaas!!! will somehow fix it.

Step 2: the IT guys decide that my browser, being several centuries out of date, should be updated. Hopefully this will solve the problem.

Step 3: they go on the internet, find the website for upgrading Internet Explorer, and discover that, due to my weird computer issues, none of Microsoft's links are working - they all lead to gifs of blank nothingness.

In other words: my browser is SO old, that it is no longer possible to upgrade it.

IT are getting back to me...

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financial farce

2011-09-22T03:26:54Z

So, when my bankcard expired recently, the bank sent me a new one - with a new number. Which apparently stuffed up a couple of direct-debit things I had set up.

Not really a big deal. Until today.

Here's what happened:
( silly computers )

To sum up: I just cancelled my credit card, for NO REASON WHATSOEVER. And spent a very long lunchtime doing so.

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cobwebby old computer

2011-07-12T23:02:43Z

My dear workplace,

When my computer is using software that is ten years old - so old, in fact, that half the Word documents I open say "oh, we'll have to change half the document for you because your software's out of date", and half the internet now shrugs when it sees me coming and says "eh, nothing we can do"...

...and particularly when my JOB is supposed to be concerned with the very formatting of documents I can't see the formatting of...

...when, in fact, Space Invaders and Pacman would feel quite justified in jeering and calling my software "old timer"...

...why, dear workplace, when I politely request that you upgrade at least the Word part of my computer, do you stare at me blankly and respond "Huh? Why?"

*is frustrated*

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(You didn't even know I'd gone, did you?)

2011-01-16T04:12:54Z

Once again I am left with far too many flist entries to catch up on...

Just got back from a weekend at Philip Island, with my family. Possibly I'll talk about this later, but right now I'm too tired.

In other news, I just plugged my iPhone into my computer to sync things, and got a "new update!" message - so I said "Yes! I'll update my software!"

...and my phone promptly decided it didn't like the update, and it was going to freeze and stop working.

Now I have to restore the whole thing - which erases all my info - and then put all the info back on my phone from my computer. *wibbles* What if it doesn't put my contacts back on? Or my calendar? Or all my lovely music... *wibbles some more*

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conversation with IT guy:

2010-11-25T02:41:13Z

IT guy: "Hi, what can I do for you?"

Me: "Yeah, hi. My browser needs to be upgraded."

IT guy: "Huh? What do you mean?"

Me: "My... browser? It... um... needs upgrading. I need a better browser."

IT guy: "Really? Why?"

Me: "Because this one is old and doesn't work?" *is getting confused*

IT guy: "Oh, so you want a new one?"

Me: "Yes please! ...any chance I could get Firefox instead of Internet Explorer?"

IT guy: "Hmm. I'll have to get approval from your manager."

So...
1) Why else would I want a new browser? ("Because I'm trying to collect all ten so I can win a prize!" ???)
2) You're working in IT, and you don't know what I mean by "upgrading a browser"? Really?
3) My manager has to approve me using Firefox? WTF?

These people confuse me.

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